Tom, Dick & Harry
Mood –
Haiku (5-7-5)–
Vocabulary Word of the Day –
Do not kid yourself; we’re all victims of it. You know what we are talking about. We are referring to substitute names. What is a substitute name you ask? Well it’s easy to explain by example. Let’s say Patria saw Erika, whom she did not know, strolling down the beach and then turned politely to her girl friends and exclaimed “hey, look at that Sally!” Patria’s company just witnessed her naively assigning Erika a pseudonym based solely on her race. But what you did not see happen was Erika whisper in her acquaintance’s ear, “fuckin’ Maria is over there starring at me.” Erika referenced Patria’s olive complextion in order to select the appropriate substitute name.
Taken at face value, this may appear to be a barbaric way of communicating with one another. However, it actually does quite the opposite. It aids in the flow of conversation. Let’s say these substitute names had not been used in the prior conversation. The previous dialogue would have been carried out much, much differently. This is what we imagine it would have sounded like. Patria spots Erika cruising down the shoreline. In order to point out Erika to her friends she must say something to the nature of, “Hey, look at that tall, fair skinned girl with blonde hair and blue eyes over there!” At the same time Erika is remarking to her companion, “that petite girl with dark brown hair and eyes seems to be starring at me.” All in all, this is a much more tedious way of having the exact same conversation. Substitute names allow you to save your breath for something more important and worthwhile.
Let’s say you went out on a Friday night with your girl friends to a predominantly African American night club. The next day while calling your best friend, Olivia, in Croatia you attempt to reenact your night for her. When you get to the part of the story about an unnamed male purchasing you a beverage it is much easier to refer to him as Tyrone White. Instead of the alternative which could possibly be some tall man sporting corn rows, two gold front teeth, and a Sean John denim jacket. How much effort would it take to have to refer to him as the tall man sporting corn rows, two gold front teeth, and a Sean John denim jacket every time he appeared in the story you were recounting for Olivia? This would be especially harsh on someone who does not have international calling on their Sprint PCS Plan.
Bethany and Joanne sit in church on a Sunday morning. Bethany was passing a hymnal to Joanne when she spotted Bethany’s well manicured hands. Keep in mind the girls are in church, Joanne has to choose her words wisely and Bethany’s response must be kept to a minimum. Joanne subtly inquires to Bethany about who created the masterpiece that rest upon her fingernails. It’s impossible for Bethany to respond with “oh, the tiny Asian lady who has silky dark hair and wears a mask upon her face.” It is much simpler and more inconspicuous to respond with “3rd Kim from the left.” Remember, this is a crucial part of the conversation because they must remain discrete as to not disturb the pastor’s sermon.
The purpose of pseudonyms is not only to save your breath for conversations to come, but to prevent mindless babble. Do not take offense, but rather join us in our crusade of saving time and money. The replacement of descriptive conversations with substitute names will ensure that your anytime minutes will no longer be wasted on explaining why the short, balding, middle eastern gentleman with probing eyes took so long to ring up your lotto tickets. From now on when your boyfriend asks what took so long at 7/11 just respond with, “sorry Habibi was having a rough day.”
Your Friends….Sally & Maria
Quote of the Day –
In Heart We Trust <3.
Narrow Minded
Haiku (5-7-5)–
Sure-sure-sure-sure-sure,
Please stop the broken the record,
I heard the first time.
Vocabulary Word of the Day –
Pseudo (adjective): false or counterfeit; fake.
Example – Emily used the pseudonym Rhiannon when she wrote her sex novel titled, Cold Nights, Hot Conversations.
Do not kid yourself; we’re all victims of it. You know what we are talking about. We are referring to substitute names. What is a substitute name you ask? Well it’s easy to explain by example. Let’s say Patria saw Erika, whom she did not know, strolling down the beach and then turned politely to her girl friends and exclaimed “hey, look at that Sally!” Patria’s company just witnessed her naively assigning Erika a pseudonym based solely on her race. But what you did not see happen was Erika whisper in her acquaintance’s ear, “fuckin’ Maria is over there starring at me.” Erika referenced Patria’s olive complextion in order to select the appropriate substitute name.
Taken at face value, this may appear to be a barbaric way of communicating with one another. However, it actually does quite the opposite. It aids in the flow of conversation. Let’s say these substitute names had not been used in the prior conversation. The previous dialogue would have been carried out much, much differently. This is what we imagine it would have sounded like. Patria spots Erika cruising down the shoreline. In order to point out Erika to her friends she must say something to the nature of, “Hey, look at that tall, fair skinned girl with blonde hair and blue eyes over there!” At the same time Erika is remarking to her companion, “that petite girl with dark brown hair and eyes seems to be starring at me.” All in all, this is a much more tedious way of having the exact same conversation. Substitute names allow you to save your breath for something more important and worthwhile.
Let’s say you went out on a Friday night with your girl friends to a predominantly African American night club. The next day while calling your best friend, Olivia, in Croatia you attempt to reenact your night for her. When you get to the part of the story about an unnamed male purchasing you a beverage it is much easier to refer to him as Tyrone White. Instead of the alternative which could possibly be some tall man sporting corn rows, two gold front teeth, and a Sean John denim jacket. How much effort would it take to have to refer to him as the tall man sporting corn rows, two gold front teeth, and a Sean John denim jacket every time he appeared in the story you were recounting for Olivia? This would be especially harsh on someone who does not have international calling on their Sprint PCS Plan.
Bethany and Joanne sit in church on a Sunday morning. Bethany was passing a hymnal to Joanne when she spotted Bethany’s well manicured hands. Keep in mind the girls are in church, Joanne has to choose her words wisely and Bethany’s response must be kept to a minimum. Joanne subtly inquires to Bethany about who created the masterpiece that rest upon her fingernails. It’s impossible for Bethany to respond with “oh, the tiny Asian lady who has silky dark hair and wears a mask upon her face.” It is much simpler and more inconspicuous to respond with “3rd Kim from the left.” Remember, this is a crucial part of the conversation because they must remain discrete as to not disturb the pastor’s sermon.
The purpose of pseudonyms is not only to save your breath for conversations to come, but to prevent mindless babble. Do not take offense, but rather join us in our crusade of saving time and money. The replacement of descriptive conversations with substitute names will ensure that your anytime minutes will no longer be wasted on explaining why the short, balding, middle eastern gentleman with probing eyes took so long to ring up your lotto tickets. From now on when your boyfriend asks what took so long at 7/11 just respond with, “sorry Habibi was having a rough day.”
Your Friends….Sally & Maria
Quote of the Day –
“All’s fair in love and war.” – William Shakespeare
In Heart We Trust <3.
posted by Erika & Patria at 7:49 PM
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